Searching for my Happy Ending

This week has been brutal for me. I haven't felt this devastated in two years!

In the last five days I have probably spent 10 hours crying. I just have been SO depressed and I can't seem to find a way out. This awful pain just won't go away. I have honestly felt completely lost and hopeless. I've slept for hours on end for absolutely no reason.

My life seems like such a dead end. I look around me and all I see is the lives of my friends falling slowly into place. You can just see them moving along like characters in a well written novel. I look at them all and I see that they are where they are supposed to be and I can honestly say with complete confidence that all is right in the world where they are concerned.

I on the other hand can't shake this horrible, awful and completely draining hopeless feeling that is eating me alive from the inside. I think that the only way I could fix things now is if I had the power to go back in time to May 1998 and change a few choices that I made. If I could do that I feel sure that I would have my happy ending now.

But I can't. There are no second chances which leads me to believe that my life is a write off. I can't see how it can be salvaged now. I've made such a terrible mess of it that there is no way to fix it. I'm 27 and I feel like my life is over.

All my friends have tried to help and they can't. Karen tells me that not everyone finds love at the same time. That some people find it when they are 12 and others when they are 40. She says there is nothing I can do about it. I told her that if it's 40 then it's too late. All hope of anything will be long gone by then.

I guess her words don't really matter because I already know I'll never find love because it's already gone. He's found someone else and that dream is dead forever. God doesn't make two of each of us. There is only one of him.

I think I heard it on Ally McBeal a long time ago. Someone told Ally that there were always more fish in the sea. She responded by saying "Sometimes, there is only one fish."